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Skin - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/38a6413e-013a-450d-97dd-6ed83908df2a/Medication.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Real life. No fantasy. And all fear and frustration... The first time I saw this place I was afraid to go inside. I was thinking if someone would see me or who I would see. Then there is the frustration of being there for so long. I go once a month and the wait is between one or two hours if you want to see the doctor. It is most frustrating. Scared. Torn. Between two worlds. Reality and beyond. Save myself from the death in the air. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/8a565aab-7a99-4800-b5a0-560c5e614d98/drive+a+sane+man+crazy.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - That right there can drive a sane man crazy. Every day forever or die. Now maybe forever ... have to, no second guessing, never an option give up or fail. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/9f9f8977-034b-4a8e-ac1b-8cf116a5f0b6/knuibyfg.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Turn up the lights extra bright I want you’ll to see how we strive to stay alive. Words cannot express how painful it is at times, but we must keep moving, never stopping. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/18a357ee-6779-48f9-9094-c9aaf6857d7d/Dizzy.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Trouble getting up in the morning, always dizzy and feeling too tired, but the Lord provides strength and the will power not to give up easily. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/e129a8a0-f373-464a-9059-ffe64a3b0418/Heart.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - HEART: Residue of my soul. I can’t understand how in this day and age, with all of the information, attention and ongoing movements against HIV/AIDS, new infections — like myself — still occur. There must be a clog in my heart when I host poisons in my veins, and my future’s path is amorphous. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/54f9aa5b-ceeb-46c2-a700-a67c825e6682/Alphabet+of+my+life.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Alphabet of My Life : The daily intake of vitamin A, B, C and E help to free me from ARVs. Although it seems tedious at times, I would rather take these four than go on ARVs. My CD-4 is high, so I don’t have to go on ARVs and I never want to. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/c9798133-1657-45f5-945e-4bf94ea9dd94/Family+and+Inspiration.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - “You did not deserve to be a carrier”. You should not judge her. The fact remains that she is my mother and whatever the sacrifice that put her in the situation. I know she loves me still. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/a4112c5d-92d4-449b-97fc-6b03d69199ae/Happy+Family.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - I wish I had a happy family with my mother and I wish I knew my father. I don’t have a happy family because my father give my mother the virus and my mother dead and now I am alone. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/f6287bd1-f889-4a8b-81b1-e6c3e73d8c15/familia.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Most families watch the sunset when they go on the Lookout. I am there on the Lookout for hope. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/78fb1db6-1559-4d0e-a03a-112a4e53a09e/uncertain%27.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - People will always be uncertain about HIV positive people getting married. I am determined to get married and have children of my own. Who said that I’m not supposed to get married and be in love. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/bfc12d89-e1df-4af0-9d64-2539b783b4a7/window.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - When I go to my boyfriend’s home I feel happiness, a promise of a new life. He knows I am HIV positive and he loves me. When I look out of the window I don’t see my family that fall apart. I look out the window and I see a new family with my boyfriend in my life. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/04f68737-bfea-44ae-8dca-b3f1984fe74b/bedroom.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - You said that you will never leave me, I believed you, I believed. Stop the pain please make it stop. Wondering at times will it ever end but always finding a way. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/c91db92b-65bd-42b6-82e3-48dcae81aefa/sun.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Another day has gone for another to return for me to paint this world with my magic wand. Living can be a death sentence but fear of that day ending may bring heart ache so live like there is no tomorrow. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/e5132671-3a36-4296-bc14-f10b86504cc2/in-dentity%2Cstruggles+and+society.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - PERIHLEION: Closest to the Sun. Being HIV positive, I strive to find beauty in all things around me. With all the turmoil and fear that grips me daily, I find replenishment in the subtle perfection of nature and the grandeur of the sun. I long to one day find my closest point to the sun. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/fb0f2714-fdd1-4fcf-901a-f10aedcf5d32/HIV.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - This is my everyday reading from the Bible. Everyday with HIV is a time of Crisis. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/51363890-6d82-411e-b201-300f7acc8c23/run+away.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - No matter how far I travel I can’t run away from HIV. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/5070c90f-588f-4216-bc93-3f55dd4ce214/Gourd.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - GOURD: Every pulse throbs, every vein blooms like yours Again, I find myself confronting identity and normalcy. What separates the poz from the negative? I am made of the same equatorial flesh, bones and blood as every other human God breathed into reality, so why do I rebel against myself when my natural impulses call? The question of, “who am I?” answers, “who are you?” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/8ff74352-81b3-497d-873e-2407cddd17aa/Halo.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - HALO: If irises hold no prejudice, heaven could be found. Now that I live with HIV, most things that were natural to me now seem foreign, but when I confront the mirror, I see what everyone else sees. Having an inclination for the abstract somehow elevates me to “normalcy”. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/02a4df6d-a358-4af0-8059-1d84d2e46b32/Curable.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Long for curable solution, Long to be equally seen in society, Long for the sun to shine away personal problems, Long to aspire for a dream https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/215c9535-d21b-4446-aeac-25bce685cecf/pup.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Lucky not to be barked at. Only looking for blissful moments. Secrets are rarely to be secret. Only given silent. Do not ask for nothing. But will share the memories of the secret life of one’s own. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/21104901-b55c-49a3-a205-2a51d6400eee/puppy.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Because they can’t talk, doesn't mean they don’t understand. Sometimes I feel like animals understand more than humans. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/e178f061-a96c-4b95-bce2-43ad23b11cc7/road.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - There’s a long rough road ahead. Don’t look back. Life goes on. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/bd62bf25-09ac-4707-8040-c863a35ecf07/banana.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Sometimes when life gets hard, stick your chest out, keep your head up and say there’s no limit. THE SKY IS THE LIMIT. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/393f49ad-a9a5-49c9-b5d7-b995320a8b35/DSC_8122-2.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Maureen Searles Maureen Searles https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/796863bd-daa5-4c48-864c-97e6222debf9/dio.jpg Participatory Action Research - In the Silence of my Skin - Dioynesia Browne Dioynsia Browne https://www.tracierogers.com/parexhibitions/why-you-wanna-fly monthly 0.5 2022-01-02 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/6558c3b8-97d2-4755-b28d-f65b0fe4face/Untitled+design.png Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/ce52020c-033d-48e5-8448-17449f48814f/WhyYouWannaFly_r4.gif Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/1688234848708-73B82EC55EU62M8WYBL9/image-asset.jpeg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/b4b37b0c-c088-4aaf-920b-ed67bfc0863d/Phoenix.PNG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Contemplating the semi colon. That point between closely related, independent clauses. To live or to die https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/cd809d6e-a99a-4b96-921b-09c65a6aa143/Elle.PNG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Having to take medication to be able to function normally is kind of hard. It is a constant reminder that something is wrong with you. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/536aab01-bea0-4abf-9b6f-b60d8e22b73c/Ginger.PNG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Everything I try to do- I doesn’t work out That’s Hard That’s a hard pill to swallow, knowing that everything you try to do you’re crappy at. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/5b59de30-4ec8-41b9-9f64-09fb732020a5/waterbottle.PNG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? I no longer had psychiatrist, I had to finagle my way into one here. Then there was the problem with the medication shortage because I had to switch to Depakote because the lithium supply here was sporadic, and I couldn’t just live with that unreliability. The first switch was horrible and then I crawled out of it. I went back on just the antidepressants. The first year [in Trinidad] was very dark It was also adapting to things I took for granted, everywhere I lived, walked in the street, taking public transport. Here you had drive or be driven and its too sunny to walk and there are no sidewalks. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/1688250094937-9JMPAH5BLNYURZ704UJH/DSC00084.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? I think that’s my biggest thing when it comes to external stigma – people not seeing that this is how your mental illness can manifest. They see it as you being lazy and not wanting to show up and do what you have to do. In terms of how it made me feel, it was really bad. It diminished my self-esteem. As a time before, I felt as if working didn’t make any sense to me – I felt incompetent and I had to deal with those comments. I felt like giving up and not working. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/47e20f0a-c2a9-416a-b832-fa32b4784a02/Picture+1.png Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Forced to accept my past mistakes because there is no other way to move on. Forward is the movement. This split mind shall not be broken by the breakers and the takers https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/8db232c7-2b84-4727-9444-b9c9719a5438/IMG_0852.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? When I told someone that I’m schizophrenic and they asked me if I didn’t get the lotto numbers. It’s okay for people to make fun of me, but it’s not okay for me to show that I’m not happy about what you’ve just said to me. It’s always been like that, it’s okay for you to tell me something to hurt my feelings, but when I respond – all of a sudden I’m rude and I’m out of place. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/ad534b05-2a7c-4405-b8e9-26dd2809f08a/DSC00311.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? I feel like people are judging me, not accepting me…. Anything I say or do is not good enough. Basically not getting me, misinterpreting me. I then pull back from showing who I really am to people because of not being accepted sometimes and I just have to push through it for my job and stuff. Though, with being alive you have to push through all those things. its like a fight every day to force myself to actually see people, to greet people. I have to protect myself, to protect my mentality because sometimes it can be so stressful it drives you insane. So maybe its for our own protection we pull back, just don’t like to see people. protecting people protecting me https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/0ee1c512-a70d-4ada-8b44-466f55e5594b/split+minded.PNG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? I had a suicidal vibe because before I went to rehab I had tripped and cut off my rass with scissors because I was feeling real heavy at the time. I was not using my left hand for anything because I was thinking the left hand is bad. Using my right hand for every single thing at that point in time, I was real chemically imbalanced. I kept asking myself how I come to this.. This kind of mad https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/9bc358a8-1d96-4348-af7b-c72d3a91c4bc/IMG_0609.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? It was twice I tried to commit suicide, and then I realized, “I’m not good at this, so I’m not going to try again.” I went to Mary. Before the labels she was my companion. I looked up I could not come back to being looked at again. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/7bc93cd6-e945-4d35-9127-70200f456be2/horror+and+infestation.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Horror and Infestation- Magic Card Eternal Scourge This Eldritch reminds me of the mental illness- Its like a dark part of me that is always ready to jump out during a relapse or depressed day. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/2fca7d97-6934-4048-8217-bf8ab7328bf0/DSC00109.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? I believe in God and his ability to be in my life no matter where I am. What would’ve hindered me would have been the beliefs that I had about who God was and also the whole issue of being demon possessed. That made it a bit more difficult to accept because even in the back of my mind you think that its because you have some sort of spirit in you that you need to be delivered from. Its what I was told. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/8880182c-eab9-496b-9856-dfd74ce3ed13/DSC00364.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? I was working in a school, so I went to the vice principal and I said well this is my issue, I’m schizophrenic. They were like, “wow, oh my God https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/b65bb89c-36f0-4812-953a-304fb5f1475e/IMG_0618.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? My life is the corner that everyone passes but no one sees. I need to stop. Cause no one else will https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/33bb2539-8d86-460e-a4c1-8e85edd01bc3/DSC00055.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? When I go to another country. The experience of getting away from everybody and sitting down in a place where you’re away from everybody – nobody knows you, nobody could judge. You can express yourself, how crazy you could be without worrying what they think about you because you’re not going to see them in the next 2-3 days https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/fbed8ebe-0027-4a95-a444-8226ca62d5a3/Split+mind..PNG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? “Mental Illness makes you small. It’s like you are living beneath the chaos. That’s what was running through my mind and tried to capture that. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/b7c46a34-9731-4d12-88ae-d5c25b98cab8/split+mind....PNG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Sick about being sick When things get heavy a good cleaning the only thing that helps. I clean. Turn things inside out and then I burn my incense. Sit in darkness and watch the smoke. Breathe it in. When I feel sick about being sick.I have to sit with the murkiness and wait out the smoke so I can feel clean again. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/603ece76-ca71-438d-b349-1e783213662e/Capture.PNG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Exposed and Scattered. I have grown accustomed to people knowing that I am struggling. I have been falling apart for many years. I feel more exposed when someone knows that I struggle with struggling. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/1688249661716-UE3GXBA8KIE0W42Q7IUP/DSC00263.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Sometimes I’m not in the frame of mind where I want to deal I often feel as though people are judging me in terms of my competence as a helping professional. Feeling, though a lot of times its my own self-inflicted judgments, where I feel inefficient. I feel as though I’m not doing enough- where I may have taken time off because I just can’t cope with the amount of work. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/4236b1a2-f2de-401e-b316-db05aa6f60e6/DSC00325.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? The biggest challenge for me is that a lot of people think that nothing is wrong with me, so I always get, “Girl… nothing wrong with you!” I’m very high functioning, so they see a high functioning, beautiful, young person, always vibrant and a lot of times they say, “Nothing is wrong with you.” … they don’t see the personal and intricate struggle that I have sometimes. … they think that you’re all together. I hate hearing “nothing is wrong with you” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/95e9535b-8c85-4187-9190-54a6686b9da1/DSC00362-2.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? All of this is me …My father feels ashamed. He says I cant tell people that, you don’t know how it will affect you, your jobs etc. And I was thinking, “Who’s this man boy? Watch what he telling me” I did research and people with schizophrenia, rather the percentage of the population living with schizophrenia is not that high. ! in every 100 persons has it. So I have to laugh Cause I’m like a 1 percenter and that’s how I look at it. I also look at it like when it has so much great things to say about people who have mental illness. I shouldn’t give a rat’s ass about what people think. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/2b6fa63c-3d49-46ed-a426-d615837d1d09/DSC00347.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Alot of people don’t look at mental illness like a disability because its not physical you’re not seeing someone walking down the stress walking funny or looking disfigured. That’s what people judge disability by, Its not contagious, so were not making an awareness to make anyone afraid of us, or shy away from us. We just want to show that we are here, and we need to be supported…it is difficult for us to live and be walking around taking part in daily activities. I’m not saying you have to cheer us on but, try and not make things more difficult for some people. You could be the factor that sends someone from 0-100 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/229f4afb-abe6-476b-9ac8-3a61fe41a335/DSC00070.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? I hate the word crazy. I am very sensitive to it. People’s words hurt me. Being classed as crazy hurts me https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/2aea1558-7134-42c3-9f1b-f65ab8467515/DSC00272.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? These shirts could fit before the meds I crawl back into my memory of myself when I could fit into myself https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/e27f6c22-9ae0-4198-832f-daccd34264f4/DSC00279.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? I started the meds, then the meditation I started all those things that I researched and how to cope with it. A lot of things in my life were really kept back by my own self. My own fear, my own thoughts about myself, I create obstacles for myself and then there’s a lot of people who would see things, and see my potential but maybe I don’t realize, and they try to block me because of that. I’m too blind to see it at that moment. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/cad515f4-db93-4126-9ca7-b8d570e04030/Hope+flickers.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Hope flickers Three There may have been another one I dont think I was really trying to kill myself I just wanted to run away and its so happened that a bridge was in the way, At that point I was more manic than depressed. The kind of low point that gets a 14 year old that’s recognized as successful, smart, accomplished to just not want to live any more.I cants remember how I felt exactly I dont think I want to. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/5b112fe6-3591-4481-9d60-e67515ef0f88/DSC00268.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Some people do not respect my boundaries. I realized that sometimes you really have to be your own advocate. Before I could advocate for anybody else, I really had to advocate for myself because I feel as though we live in society where people really don’t care. That’s my experience sometimes-that people really don’t care https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/d2148ca1-bfd6-4831-9676-8675ba242684/DSC00383.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? There are so many sides of me. They wont guess They cant know Cause all they see is a label https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/30f6e427-9196-4b72-ad11-75bbf9eb2121/mic.PNG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? What is the next step for me? Can’t make any step right now But make myself a better person That is what I should do. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/421194d2-2c20-4d38-b248-4c77ed91415c/DSC00099.JPG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? When I was sick there was someone who said some really hurtful things-she asked me if I wanted to be vagrant on road because my mother needs to work and cant watch me all the time I remember I started to get anxious because I was like “You don’t know what the hell going on” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/e42abdc7-12f9-489f-a329-403e87724f56/Capture.PNG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Realizing that I have a choice helped me I have a choice I can make brave choices Not just to survive but just because it makes me happy. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/c4859489-564f-47a5-b5f0-47e38fa16d03/DSC00380.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Sometimes You don’t want anybody to see you You’re not making eye contact with anybody. You’re looking at the ground, when in reality you’re supposed to keep your head up its like a weight on your shoulder. at that point in time, I didn’t have the skill, or the foresight or knowledge to deal with that So I just avoided people. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/4e7073b3-a876-43f7-89f3-cd3403a9892c/DSC00209.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? I have a supportive supervisor…he doesnt put pressure on me. I once told him I don’t reach to work early, because I need to psychologically prepare myself before i get there and he’s fine with that. I have to thank God that I have https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/89d3fb37-ecb7-4329-9e85-237cef614697/self+stigma.PNG Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? Shattered and glued Eyes to ceiling Thinking about dying Glorifying death Thinking about finding peace I understand how depression can make things feel But I still feel it All of it https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/942c976f-dec3-412b-986e-0c3870bdc5a2/jhbjhjbjkb.jpg Participatory Action Research - Why you wanna fly? I used to cry myself [to sleep] at night and I was Puzzled. Puzzled and confused, and then developed a little difference in my personality. I used to think I was a boy. I even named the boy- Nigel. I would have a boyish way about me, just to protect myself. People would think I’m crazy for that but, that’s how my mind adapted to the situation that was going on. It was like a safety net. Like you’d fly out, and then it would just catch you and put you back into place. That’s how my mind operates. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/ef6c58ab-438d-4a9e-a3d3-f78f7e1c1e4c/Picture+1.jpg https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/fed46aba-da5d-49d1-bb65-30cd68d9dfd9/DSC05903.jpg https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/3176577a-c514-41f7-a0cf-bb39e88dda04/DSC05891.jpg https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/1129e222-f626-4433-b0fe-0522ca5911a4/DSC05962.jpg https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/4a75bb60-c9e5-47b1-aa27-d1863ef84a32/boxing.PNG https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/f0848e1f-35dc-40ad-aabb-008b74cfbd78/split+mind.PNG https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/13217ae8-f936-4d5a-b7d2-336761ba3d70/Smile.PNG https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/617bfdd8210b2615fd1a9921/053f5143-d326-4f26-9270-25399471d359/Advocate.PNG 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